


the human way

by CrazyLaughter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: All characters are mentioned, Internal Monologue, No Spoilers, POV Second Person, Rambling, Unrequited Love, so if that's not your cup of tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 19:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15201866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyLaughter/pseuds/CrazyLaughter
Summary: Castiel thinks a lot about Dean. The first thought always starts with "You love him."





	the human way

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my first work for the Supernatural fandom. I've been wanting to write something Destiel for a while, but my stupid head hasn't provided me with any ideas (this one's not good either, prepare to be disappointed.) I've always wanted to try writing Second person's POV. Overall, it's a trial piece. So, feedback would be amazing! x  
> (Also, go easy on me. It's my first time and you're supposed to cut me slack!)

You love him.

Though, he is a complete pain in the rear and sometimes he drives you up the figurative wall, you love him. You watch him while he is doing stupid things like he always does. Whether it's having a one-sided conversation with Baby the Car, or poking Sam till he bursts, or staring up at the ceiling late into the night because his head is keeping him up.

That is no excuse. He's an asshole and sometimes you hate him.

(You also hate him because he has eased you into the habit of cussing.)

The thing about Dean Winchester was that you could not watch him for too long. He hopped around a lot and yet, you still watch him like the fool you are. Dean was never meant to sit still. It's about all the people he'll find and befriend, each of them buidling a list far from you. Though he argues with you that he doesn't know what he would have done if his old man hadn't handed him a gun, you know he cannot sit still. You have heard it through and through on the angel-radio before you shut it off.

You watch him for the reason that you hope one day he will stop fidgetting, turn around and look you in the eyes and say nothing because you will know already what he wants to say, and what you want him to say.

For now, the human way has to work.

Thinking of it, you are more human than you think you are. You enjoy cooked-meat, and being able to try to smile. Most of all, you love the warmth you feel when Dean embraces you. Since you are an angel, it will always be foreign to you. You reckon that Dean has possibly worn you down. You do not know how that's happened. You've just blinked and there you are looking at Dean like you didn't need a home or you didn't need God.

Sometimes you wonder if you're an angel anymore. Sure, there are the powers and everything, which you know you clearly dismiss as an argument. But, you cannot rely on heaven anymore and you don't believe humanity as fascinating as it is. You watch TV sometimes and you like your dirty trenchcoat and you can't help but think you do belong where you are. Except, it would have been better if you were actually in Dean's arms.

You do not know gender and you do not know love and you do not know boundaries, but with Dean around, it seems like it doesn't matter if you know the answer to all the questions you have inside you. You do not care and you let yourself act like you do not to belong to you.

(Sometimes, you wonder if you actually belong to _you_.)

Yes, Dean is an asshole. He isn't hygienic and he wears the same socks for three days straight and you watch as Sam wrinkles his nose. He's stubborn, he doesn't listen when you're trying to tell him what's best. He's too selfless; he would give his life away if Sam or you were in danger- he wouldn't think twice. He talks to some kids condescendingly, to some gently. His hugs make you feel like your wings are spreading out after a long time. He gives you nicknames. He makes people fall for him with just a wink.

He makes you fall for him, much faster than that.

And you hate it. You hate it so much, that you start to love it. It drives you crazy more than anything. Crazier than the all the times Father hasn't replied to you.

(No one has called you 'Cas' before. It sounded funny but he loved it, and so did you. You were always Castiel.)

You wonder if Dean can even see sometimes. Or it could be you. Maybe you're too inconspicuous. Either way, Dean is still blind. And deaf. He doesn't see the way you look at him or he doesn't remember all the things you've said to him because he treats everything like a joke. A big freaking joke because Dean Winchester cannot go one year without dying on you. He'll never remember because he never thinks you're capable of it.

He'll never know how he looked- how you saw him when you held him to your chest and raised him from Hell.

The worst part probably is that everyone knows. Everyone can see. Sam gives you pitiful looks at times and the angels mock you in your ear. But, Dean never sees it. He treats you like a friend, which is much appreciated, and also ignores the signs. You thought you were being obvious by appearing every time Dean's lips formed your name. You suppose you'll always be the aid with the same set of clothes, popping in and out of scenes because you were never made for the main role. You're always the support, always in the sidelines and you enjoy it at times.

(You don't think Dean knows that you can see all the cracks in him, and that you would take him as he came. Just as he's seen the goodness in you. Like he's differentiated you from all the dicks in your species. Just like he's made 'Cas' from 'Notorious Castiel'.)

When it comes to certain things about Dean, you cannot help but worry. He sacrifices for nothing and he gives up too quickly. He's as cynical as the next guy. He thinks too much and he carries it around because he doesn't want anyone but himself to hold on to all that weight. He packs all his feelings and locks them away. He doesn't believe there is anything out there for him.

In those times, you want to extend a hand out and tell him to take it. It is the most human you can manage. It's your equivalent of shouting from the rooftops.

Sometimes, you see Dean looking at you and you wonder if you're imagining it. You were always one for dreaming. Of meeting Father and being treated equally amongst the angels, to fit somewhere. Sometimes you feels so sure of it, until Dean looks away like he's realised he's touching welded iron. He clenches his jaw and you wish you knew what that meant. He'll say things that sizzle over you like holy fire. He is vulnerable and you do not wish to take advantage.

Things with Dean will always be hard. He will be reluctant in saying what he means and he will side-step everything that you do for him. But, that is the way it is. That is the way Dean Winchester is and that is the way you like him to be, despite all.

Dean has seen much. He's lived through tragedy and he's strives for the joy. He's seen horrors and he mocks them. He drowns in sadness and he makes up for it with his sense of humour. He lives for his brother and lives in his car. He dies for pie and dies on all of them. You know what happens after. But, you do not like thinking about it.

You have existed from the beginning of time, you have seen spectacles that man will never even dream of. You have seen the fall of empires, the construction of chaos, the war of mankind. You have seen things nobody else has. Yet, you revel in the thought of Dean and his tendency to walk about like he is a newborn foal.

Years and years, Dean will do the same. He'll do it forever. He'll walk in circles and he'll confuse you to the point of no return. He will continue to make you terribly angry and horribly sad.

And you'll watch him and smile with your vessel's mouth, but you know it's you who is doing the smiling. You will think about how much you love him. You suppose somewhere along the way, you'll figure out what love is.

 


End file.
